This post originally appeared in my newsletter, The Sophisticate.

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Something to Try

If you want to add a little more elegance to your everyday, I encourage you to stop saving your best for later. We all have that set of wedding china or expensive candle we’re afraid to use just anytime out of fear that it will be wasted on a non-special occasion, but I truly believe that life gets some much better when we turn more of our normal days into special occasions!

The tricky part: you’ll need to get comfortable with the idea that when you douse your best everyday, there’s a chance something may break or run out or be worn down over time. We have to decide for ourselves whether something is best enjoyed put away in a box or up on a shelf where it’s safe, or actually put to use to beautify and enrich our daily lives. 

I think making an effort to use the best you have more regularly is actually a very healthy way to remember that things are just things. Sometimes they break and that’s okay. Now, I’m certainly not saying you should hand over family heirloom china to your toddler to eat finger foods off of. If something has true sentimental value or has been passed down through generations, this merits extra caution and care. 

What I am saying is don’t keep your nice wine glasses stowed away in the cabinet out of fear one might shatter. Use them to turn a casual glass with friends into a tasting ritual where the notes of the wine can really be savored and appreciated. Don’t keep your favorite candle in storage so long it starts to lose its scent. Decide that on a random Wednesday you’re going to treat yourself to a relaxing evening of cozying up with a good book and the candle burning on the coffee table. Eat your coffee cake off of the beautiful but hand-wash-only dessert plates because it makes you happy to look at and that’s worth the 30 seconds of washing the dish afterwards. 

In short, stop waiting for the mythical perfect time to use your nice things. Instead, decide that today has the opportunity to be made more beautiful and that life can be a special occasion in and of itself!

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Something to Know

As a frequent hostess, I certainly never expect anyone to bring me anything when they attend an event in my home. Hosting is my gift to friends and family! I do it because I genuinely enjoy it, and the presence of my guests is gift enough. However, anytime a guest has brought along a hostess gift, I am both flattered and very impressed.

I can’t help but think that it’s such a sophisticated and thoughtful tradition that we may be losing the art of. In an effort to become a more sophisticated and thoughtful woman myself, I’ve pulled together a couple of etiquette tips and gift ideas that I plan to start incorporating more as a guest in other people’s homes. 

The Golden Rule is to avoid gifting your hostess something she will need to manage on the day of the event. This is why flowers can be tricky – she will need to stop what she’s doing to pull out a vase, fill it with water, and trim the flowers to fit. Similarly, gifting something edible can make the hostess feel obligated to fit it into her menu, which may or may not be a simple task depending on the formality or theme of the event. 

I like to steer clear of candles, home decor, or serve ware unless I know the hostess and her tastes very well. These items can be thoughtful and make for beautiful gifts, but the last thing you want to do is gift something that will end up feeling like clutter on the off chance it’s not to her taste.

Wine, food, and flowers are all great hostess gifts especially if you don’t know the hostess particularly well, but each comes with a few caveats. 

For wine, be sure to wrap it in a gift bag or bow and mention that you hope the hostess will enjoy it with her spouse or friends at a later date. The hostess may choose to serve the wine on the day of, but always avoid making her feel obligated to do so in case it doesn’t fit the menu of the event.

For food, avoid bringing a dish or dessert that could be served on the day of (unless of course you were asked to bring something to share). Bring something that is clearly packaged as a gift for the hostess to enjoy at another time. Again, she may choose to serve it at the event, but hopefully won’t feel the pressure to do so. 

For flowers, consider having a bouquet delivered the day after the event. Given either before the event or on the day of, the hostess will feel obligated to manage the flowers and display them whether they fit her decor or not. Sent afterwards purely as a thank-you for hosting, she is free to display them wherever she pleases and doesn’t need to manage anything additional as guests are arriving.

If you’re the hostess receiving a gift among other guests, be sure to thank the giver and indicate that you look forward to opening it later. If you’re alone with the guest, open the gift in front of them so you can give more specific thanks. 

Ideas for a Hostess You Don’t Know Very Well

• A bottle of good wine – don’t bring the cheap stuff! If you need ideas, ask the experts at your local wine shop for a bottle they recommend. Don’t spend a fortune, but don’t bring a bottle of Barefoot.
• Homemade cookies in a cute gift box
• A selection of high-quality tea or coffee
• A loaf of artisan bread and some good European butter (such as Kerrygold or French cultured butter)
• An orchid or classic flower arrangement delivered the next day
• A jar of local honey
• A few jars of good jam (such as Bonne Maman, or homemade!)
• A box of good chocolates (such as Maison du Chocolate or Godiva)

Ideas for a Hostess You Know Well

• Brass cheese knives
• Fancy hand soap (such as L’Occitane or Le Labo)
• A well-made wooden cutting board
• Pretty champagne flutes or wine glasses
• A set of cotton or linen napkins
• A high-end candle (Anthropologie has a great selection, or try Diptyque on the pricier end)
• A stylish serving tray or ceramic bowl

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Three Good Things

First and foremost, The Sophisticate is not in the business of trying to sell you things you don’t want or need. This section is meant to share three things that have improved my life, and a little bit about why you might like them too. 

These will occasionally contain affiliate links. If you click one and ultimately decide to make a purchase, I may earn a small commission of roughly 5-10%. If you want to shop using my links, great! Easy for you, teeny tiny paycheck for me. 

However, it’s very important to me that you trust that I’m not just pushing links to make money, so if you’d rather purchase outside of my affiliate link, I completely get it! To do so, just be sure to shop from an incognito browser and type the product name into search rather than copy and paste my link. 

That said, I hope you’ll find that some of these recommendations may be the solution to a problem you’ve been having, or are simply a fun little luxury to add to your daily life.

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Recipe of the Day

It’s tomato season, and there’s no better way to celebrate than with this traditional Spanish dish where tomatoes are the star of the show. Pan con tomate, or pa amb tomàquet, is a staple of Spanish cuisine that originated in the region of Catalonia (where Barcelona is located). It is impossibly simple, inexpensive, and tasty. 

In high school, I spent a few months living in Spain with a host family, and I was lucky to observe the preparation of this dish in its most authentic form. Here’s the simple recipe we ate both at home and in restaurants. The traditional method is to assemble each slice at the table as it’s eaten, but you can always prep the full dish before serving. Consider pairing with Spanish wine like Cava or Rioja!

Ingredients

• Crusty, rustic bread (such as ciabatta or baguette)
• Garlic cloves
• Very ripe heirloom or vine-ripened tomatoes
• Extra virgin olive oil
• Flaky sea salt

Recipe

1. Slice bread into 1/2-inch thick slices, then toast under a broiler until crunchy and golden brown, about 3 minutes. 
2. Peel a few garlic cloves and set aside. 
3. Cut tomatoes in half and grate them cut side down on the large holes of a box grater. Add the grated tomato pulp to a small bowl and discard the tomato skins. Drizzle the tomato pulp with extra virgin olive oil and add a pinch or two of flaky sea salt to taste.
4. To serve, take your toasted bread, peeled garlic cloves, and tomato mixture to the table. For each slice, rub the whole garlic clove on the surface of the toasted bread to taste, keeping in mind that the raw garlic will have a sharp flavor. Spoon a bit of the tomato mixture onto the bread, and top with extra olive oil and salt if desired.

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Tasteful Living, As Told by You

One of the things that inspired me to create The Sophisticate was reading what other women online had to say about taste, style, and living well. This section is dedicated to tips and advice submitted by you, The Sophisticate subscribers! 

Send us a message on Instagram @sophisticate.newsletter to share your favorite little luxuries, healthy habits, or other tasteful tips with us and we may include you in a future newsletter.

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